I’ve heard it for many years, like my heartbeat, barely noticeable but there all the same. It threads its way through my dreams and springs suddenly upon me in my waking hours. It is quiet… so quiet that the day’s mundane tasks and the trivial dross of life eclipse it. Yet the longer I stay put, the louder it grows.
I’m not sure why I am the only member of my family to whom new places beckon. My parents, sister, and brother seem perfectly content to stay in one place, never feeling the tiny itch that has plagued me every time I have everything I “should” want. Right now I have an adorable small cottage that is nearly paid for. The town I live in is wonderful and the climate of the Ozarks is very pleasant most of the time. A sensible person would settle down and enjoy life, right?
I cannot be sensible! I cannot resist the pull of the horizon. I am slowly suffocating in ordinary routines and mired down by my possessions. I have repeated this cycle over and over, shedding everything like the skin of a snake and leaving all I know. Yet when I find somewhere new, I build the same kind of life, only to break away once again when the itch to move becomes unbearable. Each time leaving hurts for a short while and then the freedom is sweet, so sweet while it lasts.
Am I cursed to repeat this situation over and over, squandering my energy and the force of my life on an existence I do not really want, but that is so easy to fall into? Is there no way to break free of my conditioning permanently? I know we’re told we can’t “have our cake and eat it too”, but is this really the truth or is it the muttering of a discontented multitude without the courage to pursue what they really want? I am determined to find out.
After seven years in one spot, the itch is more than I can bear and the shedding begins. My possessions drop away and with each one I feel a little bit lighter. I have decided to try something different this time. Rather than finding a new stationary home, I am creating one that can come with me when the gypsy song becomes too loud.
Perhaps this way, I will